Writing

Writing on counselling

Longer pieces on what actually comes up in a counselling room, written by Mr. Chakkaravarthy RK. Not advice columns — the patterns underneath the problems people arrive with.

  • A line from this guide, set large: the problem is rarely the thing they name first.

    Guide

    Marriage problems in Tamil families

    In-laws and the joint household, the first year of an arranged marriage, the silence after a fight, money, and trust once it has gone. What these problems actually look like from inside a counselling room — and what tends to help.

    25 September 2026 · about 9 minutes

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  • A line from this guide, set large: it is almost never really about the mother-in-law.

    Guide

    When a marriage has more than two people in it

    It is the commonest thing raised in a Tamil marriage and it is almost never really about the mother-in-law. Here is the loop it runs in, why it is genuinely hard to break, and what breaks it.

    25 September 2026 · about 7 minutes

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  • A line from this guide, set large: you have started at the wrong end.

    Guide

    The first year of an arranged marriage

    You are expected to live as family with someone you are still learning, while both households watch for signs that the match was right. Feeling nothing yet is not a verdict on the marriage.

    25 September 2026 · about 7 minutes

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  • A line from this guide, set large: silence is not calm, it is being cut off with no end date.

    Guide

    When one of you stops talking

    The most misread behaviour in a marriage. One person is preventing damage; the other is being cut off. Both are certain the other started it, and each round teaches them both that talking makes it worse.

    25 September 2026 · about 6 minutes

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  • A line from this guide, set large: a pattern held by two people needs only one to move.

    Guide

    When your partner will not come

    One person almost always reaches the point of looking for help before the other does. Coming alone is not going behind anybody's back, and it is not the lesser version of the thing.

    25 September 2026 · about 6 minutes

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