Love
How do you know someone really loves you?
For anyone in a relationship, or close to one, who hears the words but is not sure what is behind them.
By Mr. Chakkaravarthy RK
10+ years Experience in Life Coach & Counselling PractitionerDr. APJ Abdul Kalam National Excellence Award & Best Life Coach of India
Internationally Recognized Couples Coach, Relationship Coach, Student Coach and Career Coach. Neurobics Expert, Memory Coach, Train the Trainer and NLP Master.
Updated 3 November 2026 · about 6 minutes to read
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"I love you" is easy to say. Many people feel loved at the start, then confused months later when the words and the behaviour do not match.
This guide helps you look at what someone does, not only what they say.
How do you know when someone really loves you?
By what they do on ordinary days: they keep their word, listen, and show up when life is hard, not only when it is fun.
Love is visible in small, repeated things. They keep their word. They remember what matters to you. They are there when you are ill, failing an exam or having a bad day, not only when things are fun.
They are also glad when good things happen to you, even when it does not involve them.
Everyday signs of real love
- They are consistent, not hot and cold.
- They listen, and remember what you said.
- They show up when life is hard, not only when it is easy.
Does someone who loves you respect your no?
Yes. Real love respects your no, your family, your friends and your goals, even when they disagree.
Someone who loves you respects you as a whole person: your no, your time, your family, your friends, your studies and your work.
They may disagree, but they do not mock you, threaten you or make you choose between them and everything else.
Signs of respect
- They accept a no without punishing you.
- They are kind about your family and friends.
- They support your goals, even when it costs them some time.
What is the difference between love and attraction?
Attraction is fast and about how they feel; love grows slowly and wants good things for you, even in hard times.
In the first months, strong attraction can feel like deep love. It is exciting, but it is mostly about how the other person makes us feel.
Attachment can also look like love: someone who cannot bear to be alone may hold on tightly to anyone. Real love grows slowly, through time, trust and seeing each other at your worst.
Love versus attraction
- Attraction is fast; love takes time.
- Attraction wants you; love wants good things for you.
- Attraction fades in hard times; love stays.
Is controlling or jealous behaviour a sign of love?
No. Checking your phone, controlling who you meet or threats are signs of control and fear, not love.
Checking your phone, controlling who you meet, extreme jealousy or threats to hurt themselves if you leave are often described as "too much love". They are signs of control and fear, not love.
If you feel afraid, small or always guilty with someone, trust that feeling and talk to someone you trust.
Not proof of love
- Checking your phone or location.
- Anger when you spend time with others.
- "If you leave, I will hurt myself."
To talk to Chakkaravarthy RK, call 074024 67044. In an emergency only: 181 · 112 · 14416.
Where Feathers fits
Feathers offers relationship counselling before marriage and after, for one of you alone or both together, in Tamil or English, online from anywhere or in person in Neyveli.
This guide is published by Feathers Life Coach, a single-practitioner practice in Neyveli, Tamil Nadu, with sessions online for people anywhere in the world.
Questions people ask first
How can I tell if someone loves me or is just using me?
Look at whether they are there when you need something, not only when they do.
Can someone love you and still hurt you?
People who love us can make mistakes and repair them. Repeated hurt with no change is a different thing.
Is jealousy a sign of love?
A little worry is human. Controlling jealousy is about fear, not love.
Can a counsellor help me understand my relationship?
Yes. Many people come alone, before deciding anything, online or in person.
Talk it through with someone
One private conversation can make the next week lighter. Sessions are online by video or voice call from anywhere in the world, or in person in Neyveli, in English or Tamil. Nobody else needs to know.