Family pressure
When family keeps asking about a baby
For couples who dread every function because someone will ask about good news, whether they are waiting by choice or still hoping.
By Mr. Chakkaravarthy RK
10+ years Experience in Life Coach & Counselling PractitionerDr. APJ Abdul Kalam National Excellence Award & Best Life Coach of India
Internationally Recognized Couples Coach, Relationship Coach, Student Coach and Career Coach. Neurobics Expert, Memory Coach, Train the Trainer and NLP Master.
Updated 19 October 2026 · about 5 minutes to read
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In many Tamil families the question starts a few months after the wedding: any good news? It can come from parents, aunts, neighbours, even colleagues.
This guide is about answering it calmly, agreeing as a couple, and not letting the pressure come between you.
How should a couple handle pressure to have a baby?
Agree privately first on what you want, when, and what you will share, so neither partner faces relatives alone.
Before answering anyone, agree with each other. Are you waiting by choice, trying, or unsure? What are you comfortable sharing, and with whom?
Couples often disagree quietly about timing. Talking about it privately is better than one partner learning the other's view in front of relatives.
Agree together
- What you want, and when.
- What each of you will say to your own family.
- What stays private between you.
What do I say when relatives ask about good news?
One short, friendly line repeated every time, such as "We will share news when we have it."
Short, friendly and closed answers work best: "When it happens, you will be the first to know." Repeat the same line each time.
Each partner speaking to their own parents usually works better than one partner defending themselves to both families.
Lines you can use
- "We will share news when we have it."
- "That is between the two of us."
- "Thank you for caring. Let us talk about something else."
Why is the wife blamed when there is no baby yet?
It is an unfair habit with no medical basis. Either partner, or neither, may be the reason it is taking time.
In many homes the woman is blamed or questioned first. That is unfair and medically wrong: either partner, or neither, may be the reason it is taking time.
If pressure turns into taunts, threats or control, it is no longer just curiosity. The partner whose family it is needs to step in.
Not acceptable
- Blaming one partner without any medical basis.
- Taunts, threats or talk of a second marriage.
- Controlling medical decisions against a partner's will.
When should a couple see a doctor about having a baby?
After a year of trying, or six months if the woman is over 35. Going together as a couple helps.
If you have been trying for over a year (or six months if the woman is over 35), both partners can see a doctor together. It is common, and doctors can often help.
The waiting can strain a marriage. Talking about the disappointment, not only the plan, keeps you close.
What tends to help
- See a doctor together, as a couple.
- Limit who knows and who gets updates.
- Keep time together that is not about trying.
To talk to Chakkaravarthy RK, call 074024 67044. In an emergency only: 181 · 112 · 14416.
Where Feathers fits
Feathers offers couples and family counselling in Tamil or English, in Neyveli or online, including joint sessions with parents when helpful.
This guide is published by Feathers Life Coach, a single-practitioner practice in Neyveli, Cuddalore district.
Questions people ask first
How do I answer relatives who ask about a baby?
Use one short, friendly line and repeat it: "We will share news when we have it."
Who should talk to the in-laws about this?
Usually the partner whose parents they are. It lands better coming from their own child.
When should we see a doctor about having a baby?
After a year of trying, or six months if the woman is over 35. Go together.
Can counselling help with this pressure?
Yes, for agreeing as a couple and for talking with parents calmly.
If this is your house
One conversation is enough to find out whether it helps. Sessions run in Tamil or English, in person in Neyveli or online from anywhere.