After a breakup
Should I get back with my ex?
For anyone who misses their ex and is wondering whether a second try could be different this time.
By Mr. Chakkaravarthy RK
10+ years Experience in Life Coach & Counselling PractitionerDr. APJ Abdul Kalam National Excellence Award & Best Life Coach of India
Internationally Recognized Couples Coach, Relationship Coach, Student Coach and Career Coach. Neurobics Expert, Memory Coach, Train the Trainer and NLP Master.
Updated 21 October 2026 · about 5 minutes to read
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After a breakup, the good memories often come back louder than the bad ones. It is easy to wonder if you made a mistake.
These questions help you tell real reasons from loneliness, before you decide.
Should I get back with my ex?
Only if the real reason it ended has truly changed. Problems of trust, respect or values rarely fix themselves.
Write down the real reasons it ended. If they were about values, trust or respect, they rarely disappear on their own.
If the reasons were timing or distance that has now changed, a second try may make more sense.
Ask yourself
- Why did we actually break up?
- What has really changed since then?
- Would I trust them with the same problem again?
Do I miss my ex or just the relationship?
After a breakup we miss comfort and routine. If the longing fades as loneliness eases, it was probably the relationship.
After a breakup you miss routines, comfort and being chosen. That longing can feel exactly like love for the person.
Give it time. If you still want them after the loneliness eases, the feeling is more likely to be about them.
Signs it may be loneliness
- You miss having someone more than this person.
- The urge is strongest at night or when alone.
- You avoid remembering why it ended.
Can getting back with an ex work?
It can when both people have changed, take responsibility and want it equally.
Second tries can work when both people have changed, take responsibility for their part, and want it equally.
They rarely work when one person is chasing and the other is unsure.
Signs it could work
- Both of you want it, not just one.
- The problem that ended it has been addressed.
- You talk honestly about what went wrong.
How do we make a second try different?
Go slowly and agree clearly what each of you will do differently, including how you will handle the old problem.
If you decide to try again, go slowly and agree clearly what will be different, including how you will handle the old problem.
A few sessions with a counsellor, together or alone, can help you test whether change is real.
Agree on
- What each of you will do differently.
- How you will raise problems early.
- When you will check in on how it is going.
To talk to Chakkaravarthy RK, call 074024 67044. In an emergency only: 14416 · 112 · 181.
Where Feathers fits
Feathers offers relationship counselling online from anywhere or in person in Neyveli, in English or Tamil, for one person or both.
This guide is published by Feathers Life Coach, a single-practitioner practice in Neyveli, Tamil Nadu, with sessions online for people anywhere in the world.
Questions people ask first
Is it a good idea to get back with an ex?
Sometimes, if the reason it ended has truly changed and you both want it.
How do I stop missing my ex?
Reduce contact and reminders, rebuild your routine, and give it time.
Why do I want my ex back even though they hurt me?
Familiarity and loneliness are powerful. Talk it through before acting.
Can we do counselling as a couple online?
Yes, even from different cities or countries.
Talk it through with someone
One private conversation can make the next week lighter. Sessions are online by video or voice call from anywhere in the world, or in person in Neyveli, in English or Tamil. Nobody else needs to know.