Trust
How to deal with being cheated on
For anyone who has just found out their boyfriend or girlfriend was seeing someone else, and cannot stop asking why.
By Mr. Chakkaravarthy RK
10+ years Experience in Life Coach & Counselling PractitionerDr. APJ Abdul Kalam National Excellence Award & Best Life Coach of India
Internationally Recognized Couples Coach, Relationship Coach, Student Coach and Career Coach. Neurobics Expert, Memory Coach, Train the Trainer and NLP Master.
Updated 21 October 2026 · about 5 minutes to read
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Finding out a partner cheated can turn your whole picture of the relationship upside down in a minute.
This guide is about getting through the first days, protecting your self-respect, and deciding calmly what you want next.
What should I do right after finding out I was cheated on?
Expect a mix of shock and anger, look after sleep and food, tell one trusted person, and delay big decisions.
Expect anger, sadness, numbness and endless questions, sometimes all in one hour. That is a normal reaction to betrayal.
Look after the basics: sleep, food, and one person you can talk to.
In the first days
- Tell one trusted friend.
- Keep eating and sleeping.
- Delay big decisions for a week.
Was I cheated on because I was not good enough?
No. Cheating is a choice the other person made; it is not a measure of your worth.
People cheat for many reasons, most of them about their own choices and character. It is not a score of your worth.
Notice the voice that says you should have been better. Answer it the way you would answer a friend.
Remind yourself
- Their choice was theirs.
- You deserved honesty.
- Your value has not changed.
What should I avoid after being cheated on?
Avoid revenge, public posts, contacting the other person, and decisions made while furious.
Revenge, public posts, or confronting the other person usually make the pain last longer and can create new problems.
If you need answers, ask your partner calmly, once, at a time you choose.
Avoid
- Posting about it on social media.
- Messaging the other person.
- Making decisions while furious.
Should I stay with someone who cheated on me?
Only if they are honest, take responsibility and you want to try. Leaving is an equally valid choice.
Some couples rebuild after cheating, when the cheating partner is honest and takes responsibility. Many people decide to leave, and that is valid too.
Ask yourself: do I trust them enough to try, and do I want to?
Questions to ask yourself
- Have they been fully honest?
- Are they taking responsibility, not blaming me?
- What do I want for myself?
To talk to Chakkaravarthy RK, call 074024 67044. In an emergency only: 14416 · 112.
Where Feathers fits
Feathers offers relationship and breakup counselling online from anywhere or in person in Neyveli, in English or Tamil.
This guide is published by Feathers Life Coach, a single-practitioner practice in Neyveli, Tamil Nadu, with sessions online for people anywhere in the world.
Questions people ask first
Should I forgive a partner who cheated?
That is your choice. Forgiveness does not require staying in the relationship.
Why do I keep thinking about the person they cheated with?
It is a common part of the shock. Comparing yourself usually fades with time.
Can a relationship survive cheating?
Sometimes, with honesty and effort from both. It is also fine to leave.
Can I get counselling online?
Yes, by video or voice call from any country.
Talk it through with someone
One private conversation can make the next week lighter. Sessions are online by video or voice call from anywhere in the world, or in person in Neyveli, in English or Tamil. Nobody else needs to know.